Looking back at Lincoln: On May 2, 1863

On this day in 1863, the Washington Chronicle published a hilarious example of Lincoln's off the cuff humor (my thanks to the Lincoln Log for this one!)

I can only imagine how fun it must have been to work with Lincoln every day. Imagine being one of his aides - John Hay or John Nicolay - and enjoying daily doses of Lincoln's great wit, insights and compassion. They certainly had a front row seat to history, and direct access to our greatest president.

During past week gentleman called on President and asked for pass to Richmond. "Well," said President, "I would be very happy to oblige you, if my passes were respected; but the fact is, sir, I have, within the past two years given passes to 250,000 men to go to Richmond, and not one has got there yet." Washington Chronicle, 2 May 1863.

Like Lincoln, Obama takes humor where he finds it

And yesterday, President Obama managed to find a bit of humor in Judd Gregg's sudden withdrawal from his commerce nomination:

Obama was speaking during a dinner honoring the 16th president on the 200th anniversary of his birth.

"In 1854, Lincoln was simply a Springfield lawyer who'd served just a single term in Congress," Obama began as he tried to imagine Lincoln writing famous words about national unity.

"Possibly in his law office, his feet on a cluttered desk, his sons playing around him, his clothes a bit too small to fit his uncommon frame, maybe wondering if somebody might call him up and ask him to be commerce secretary ..." Obama said, trailing off and sparking applause and laughter.

Oh I'm sure some poor, languishing politician will want the job; seeing as Mr. Gregg is too good for the position in President Obama's cabinet at this time of great national need.

Hmm... speaking of Lincoln...

Some Republicans came to the White House to ask Lincoln to appoint their political cohort as port collector of Philadelphia.

"Mr. President," said their spokesman, "we have come here today to present our fellow Philadelphian to your favorable consideration. He is eminently qualified for the position -- not only for his administrative ability, but also for his unswerving loyalty to the Republican party. No honors, sir," continued the head of the Philadelphia delegation, "could be showered on him that could elevate him higher in the estimation of his fellow-men."

"Gentlemen," said Lincoln with a smile, "it gives me much gratification to hear the praise bestowed. Such a man needs no office -- it can confer on him no additional advantage, or add prestige to his well-earned fame!"

"Indeed you are right Mr. Chairman," summed up Lincoln, "that no honors could be showered on him that would elevate him higher in the estimation of his fellow-man. So to appoint to good and excellent a gentlemen to a paltry position like this would be an act of injustice to him. I shall reserve the office for some poor politician who needs it."

-- The Wit & Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln, James C. Humes

So. Are there any Republicans out there willing to put nation ahead of party? Anyone?

If not, perhaps it is time for President Obama to stop worrying about bipartisanship (when dealing with a party that only comprehends partisanship,) and simply nominate the best person for the job.

This is a very large country and there are many brilliant and qualified people running around out here (some of them are undoubtedly now looking for work.) If Republicans can't be bothered to take this job, I'm sure someone will be willing to grab the opportunity and run with it.

Let the Republicans sit in the corner and sulk because they are no longer in power. If that's the best they have to offer their country in our time of need -- we don't need them. They certainly aren't winning any brownie points from the people with this kind of behavior.

Saturday Night Live goofing on Palin

Tina Fey was back in the role of Gov. Sarah Palin on "Saturday Night Live" last night, interviewed by Amy Poehler as Katie Couric.

Bill Maher: 'The Decider'

Because surely without some comic relief, we'll lose our minds...

Tsk, tsk, Pope Benedict... 'Judge not'

Everyone has been talking about Benedict's latest sweeping (gaff) rejection of every form of Christianity but Catholicism; never mind every other religion in the world. Back to the dark ages we go... time to burn a few witches and restore the Inquisition! The good ol days are back! And hey - I'll bet the plague is just around the corner.

The comment that set everyone off:

ROME—Pope Benedict XVI restated Tuesday what he said were the "defects" of Christian faiths other than Roman Catholicism, prompting anger from Protestants who question the Vatican's respect for other beliefs. —Ian Fisher, New York Times, July 11, 2007

Benedict, please: get over yourself. You are so not John Paul II; and that comment is so last century.

My favorite review - by far - is a hilarious take of the pope's unfathomable comments, nicely sliced and diced in Slate. Honestly -- I'd give anything to have written this piece. It's priceless!

Timothy Noah, writing for Slate had me in stitches with his 'product recall;' by far the funniest treatment of this ridiculous edict (and believe me this deserves a laugh.)

The Vatican's Product Recall:
Defects found in Protestant and Eastern Orthodox sects.
By Timothy Noah

NEWS FROM THE HOLY SEE
Office of Information and Public Affairs
Vatican City, Rome

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Vatican Recall Hotline: (800) ASK-RATZ
July 10, 2007

VATICAN CITY—Pope Benedict XVI today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer products. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.

Name of Products: African Methodist Episcopal (A.M.E.), Amish, Anabaptist, Anglican, Baptist, Calvinist, Christian Science, Congregationalist, Episcopalian, Evangelical, Fundamentalist, Huguenot, Jehovah's Witness, Lutheran, Mennonite, Methodist, Moravian, Mormon, Pentecostal, Presbyterian, Puritan, Quaker, Seventh-Day Adventist, Shaker, and Zwinglian Christian sects (frequently labeled "Protestant").

Name of Products: Albanian Orthodox, Bulgarian Orthodox, Coptic Orthodox, Czech Orthodox, Cypriot Orthodox, Estonian Orthodox, Finnish Orthodox, Greek Orthodox, Latvian Orthodox, Macedonian Orthodox, Montenegrin Orthodox, Polish Orthodox, Romanian Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, Serbian Orthodox, Slovak Orthodox, and Ukranian Orthodox sects (frequently labeled "Eastern" or "Oriental" Orthodox).

Manufacturer: The devil (listed on the New York Stock Exchange as "Angel of the Bottomless Pit," "Beelzebub," "Belial," "Dark Prince," "Evil One," "Fallen Angel," "Foul Fiend," "His Infernal Majesty," "Lucifer," "Mephistopheles," "Mr. Applegate," "Mr. Scratch," "Prince of Darkness," "Satan," and "Tempter").

Hazard: Can fail to achieve salvation on contact.

Incidents/Injuries: Widespread reports of salvific malfunction and consequent exclusion from the Kingdom of Heaven. Users complain of being rerouted to Purgatory and in a few instances to the Fiery Pit.

Cause: Because Jesus Christ subsists only in the Catholic Church of Rome™, adherents to other faiths that self-advertise as Christian must rely on infrequent guest appearances. Although He is omnipresent, He can't be everywhere at once.

Sold at: A complete list of retail outlets has been unavailable to the Church for the past five centuries. We continue our efforts to compile one and will post it online when we can.

Manufactured in: Wittenberg, Germany; Istanbul, Turkey; Alexandria, Egypt; Boston, Mass.; Palmyra, New York.

Remedy: Consumers should desist adherence to the abovementioned sects, now proven unreliable, and transmit their souls to the Catholic Church of Rome™. United States residents may use this Catholic Church locator. For those who are already deceased, and therefore ineligible for salvation, the Church has commenced discussions about reopening Limbo, which the Vatican decommissioned in April.